new years

hey.

new years tonight was a learning experience for me. and although i'm planning on talking to people without some andre in my system, i know that i'll be the same as when it was. maybe it's unfortunate, maybe it's not, i don't have any clue.

i had a bunch of real talk and the only thing it did was make me feel more alienated and loved and a misfit and a cherished part of alot of people's lives. i wish i could dissapear. i'd be more than willing to be the guy that skips town to never return to make a new life, but i'm afraid that life will be Exactly the same as it is now but with a new surrounding. maybe that's why i didn't make friends in france. maybe i wasn't real enough. maybe my real wasn't acceptable. maybe it was alien to every single person who is living at this point. maybe i don't know what to do to relate to humans. maybe i just want to move to the middle of nowhere canada. maybe i'm selfish enough to do it. but maybe not.

a sad way to ring in the new years? alot to think about.

breath in. take it in deep. crush your heart it's yours to keep. wishful, i guess i never was. i am looking up now death can't change us.

i miss ian. i miss raheed. i miss what i knew about alex and shane. i wish they were able to see the new decade.
i wish i was normal for once.


The New Year - DCfC

i hope you had a fantastic holiday.