The Terror

Listen to this while you read:



Been a while since I wrote anything here. I guess that's just how it goes.
I watched Shaun White win the x games gold in skateboard vert. Dude is clutch. I guess since I'm kinda over skating, I don't really feel the need to watch the x games anymore. Oh well. I don't have to listen to their announcers bro-ing it up anymore...



I played kickball today with people from the Ritz up here and I came to a really harsh realization. No matter how well I perform at a public event like that, I am incredibly anxious. Looking back over the last 3 years of my life, I have become more and more socially awkward. I get nervous when people are looking at me to the point of shaking and feeling nausea. I don't know why this is starting to happen to me, but it's really painful. I feel like it will eventually only lead to two possible places: one, I will continue to seclude myself until I have reached full social recluse status, or two, I will slowly go insane. Both of which are terrifying and depressing. I hate being around people sometimes. All people. I just want to disappear completely. Some days it's much worse than others, but I always seem to have a growing fear of saying the wrong thing, doing the wrong thing, or generally just upsetting others...to the point that this is taking a tole on my psyche. I don't want to end up alone, but I feel more and more apt to as the weeks tick by. I've realized that I only like doing activities that I can do by myself (biking, snowboarding) I like being around people in those activites most of the time, but I also know that I can do my own thing, I'm in control of my own destiny when I'm doing them, and I'm not going to let anyone down but myself. To be honest, I'm afraid of this steamroller of mental incapability that is slowly affecting me more and more.

So there, I said it. If I come off as distant, that's why. And i'm sorry, but it's something that I really need to have time to figure out.


Also, I wish to god that this Argentinian girl I have a somewhat ridiculous level of desire to be around would hurry up and get the the US. That or I could fast forward to November 21st. It seems like that date is one of the few things I have set in stone.



My parents are coming up to visit with my sister next week. Unfortunately, I have to work the whole time they're here just because I didn't get to the request calendar at work in a timely manner and two other guys are on vacation during that time. It sucks. All I want to do is hang out with them up here. Family has definitely become much more important to me during the time I've slowly been going insane.


This song is beautiful and you will like it. Sorry to kyle who I seem to steal everything from these days.
Promises (Myon & Shane 54 Summer Of Love Mix) - Andain


This last one is fantastic if you're perhaps dealing with some introspective bullshit like I am:
Video Tapez (ft. Del the Funky Homosapien) - AmpLive